My Little Girl

I always wanted to have a daughter. I pictured her as a little Cambodian girl with big eyes, lips like mines and the cutest face. On January 10, 2011 my wishes came true. My little girl was born and she looked exactly how I envisioned her.  I love her more than anything in this world. We became inseparable. She wanted to do everything I did. She would wear hats like me and try to dress like me. She was my little baby tom boy.

The day of my arrest, I had drop her off with my sister. She cried for me not to leave her. I told her I would come back to get her .
 
Almost 7 years have gone since then. I often wonder what went on in her little mind the day when her Papa never came back. How she must of waited and waited. I imagined every time there was a knock on the door, she would of run to it, hoping it was me. She would tell herself "my papa would be here any minute". Oh how her heart must of been broken when I never came. I left my little girl in a world without me.

For 2 1/2 years I did not get to hold her. When I first saw her, she just ran to me. It was the best feeling in the world to have her in my arms. I kissed her repeatedly and we braided each others hair. It was a quick visit. When it was time for her to leave, I did not want to let her go. I held back tears as she left.

She often asks me "when will you be home?". If I will be home to make it to her birthdays or school recitals. One time I called and she says "Papa my facetime buttons not working". I asked her "what's wrong with it ?". She says "I keep pressing it because I want to see your face". My heart broke, my baby was too young to realize I was calling from a pay phone.

Every morning and night, I pray to be with her. To teach her to be brave, to be strong, to be respectful, to have fun, to fear nothing. I always try my best to make her feel loved. I just wish I can be home to be the father she needs.

California Modifies Its Felony Murder Law, Massachusetts Should Do The Same

California Legislatures has passed a new bill that Massachusetts lawmakers should look at as a prime example for Criminal Justice Reform.

    Similar to Massachusetts, California's original felony-murder doctrine allows a person to be convicted and punished to life in prison for murder, although the person was not at the murder scene or they may have been a getaway driver, a lookout, helped planned a lesser felony, or provided clothes and weapons to the primary participant. In all of these scenario, the person did not intend a death to occur. 

    California's S.B 1437 bill has changed that law, effecting up to 800 men and women serving life sentences or facing the death penalty. The bill is retroactive and it no longer allows the state to convict a codefendant for someone else's intended crime to murder.

   Shawn Khalifa, a California man is a example of how the original felony-murder law is unjust. He stole chocolate from a man's house but had no part in the man's murder, but was sentence to life. With the passing of S.B. 1437, he will now be able to gain his freedom.

   In Massachusetts, there are hundreds of men and women serving life sentences under Massachusetts's felony-murder doctrine. Yet majority of them has never committed a violent act.

  Under the Commonwealth's general joint venture laws, a defendant cannot be held liable for the additional crimes committed by a co-venturer unless the defendant intended such crimes. However, where the additional crime results in death, the felony murder rule establishes an exception to the rule of joint venture and allows a defendant to be held liable without evidence that the defendant intended to cause the victim's death.

   In 2017, Massachusetts highest court refused to abolish the felony murder doctrine, but modified it in Commonwealth v. Brown 477 Mass. 805,. In the Supreme Judicial Court's decision, it now requires prosecutors to prove one of three prongs to be convicted, 1. that he or she intended to kill, 2. to cause bodily harm, 3. intended to do an act which, in the circumstances known to the defendant, a reasonable person would have known it would created a plain and strong likelihood that death would result.

   Although the doctrine has been modified, Massachusetts prosecutors are still pursuing murder convictions without evidence of the intent to kill. Prosecutors are arguing the third prong.

   The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court also refuses to make the modification of felony murder retroactive. The notion is, it will open a floodgate releasing criminals who are considered killers back on the streets. Though these men and women are not killers. They are people who made the wrong choice, was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and some even backed out from committing the felony but failed to prove it at trial.

   Society has a misperception that men and women who are serving life sentences are the most dangerous among the inmate population. A number of studies have shown, inmates who are serving life sentence are role model inmates. They are the least to receive any disciplinary sanctions. If release, they would likely have a low recidivism rate.

   Massachusetts refuses to do anything for these men and women, although it is causing millions of taxpayers dollars to keep them incarcerated.

Our Massachusetts leaders need to take a page from California.

Being Cambodian in Prison

In Massachusetts, Cambodian men are the highest population of Asians that are incarcerated. However, we are still a very small group compared to African Americans, Hispanics and Caucasians. We have facilities that hold no Asians at all, some may hold 1 Asian out of 1000 inmates, others hold 20 or less and some 50 or more.

I was once held for two years at a facility where I was the only Cambodian out of about 1000 inmates. As you know, jail and prisons are racially divided. Your first day of prison (God forbid you do go to prison), you are greeted by your race. They provide you with the necessities you need to get by: hygiene, food, and 3-way phone calls to reach your family.

My two years at a county jail in Boston, Massachusetts, I was on my own. I went weeks without hygiene or food from the commissary. Often going to sleep hungry. I could not get in contact with family due to the poor phone system.

Majority of the people did not even know or heard of Cambodians. They usually thought all Asian people are Chinese. Constantly, I dealt with racial issues from African Americans. They would call me chink or gook. Although those words are racist for Chinese and Vietnamese, I knew it was to offend me, My response was to fight.

After my fights, I would sit in my cell and ask myself, "why are the same people who dealt with racial discrimination, being hateful towards us?". Cambodian gangs form because of racism from other minority groups. Nothing good comes out of it. I hated the feeling of being hated. I’ve been fighting racism since I was a kid. As an adult, I was tired of fighting.

Dealing with racism made me miss my family and friends. I would reminisce about my visit to Cambodia, how it felt good to longer be a minority. When I was there, I'd say to myself "this is probably how white people feel in America".

But racism in jail did not break me. I always returned to general population and respect for me grew. I just felt alone.

When I was sent to Souza Baranowski, a maximum state prison, there was a lot more Cambodians. Many that I knew from Lynn and Lowell, Massachusetts. It did not matter if you we're a Blood, Crip or Tiny Rascal, as long you are Cambodian or Asian, we’re all united. Asian communities across Massachusetts state prison called themselves the "Southeast Asian Empire". 
The goal was to protect one another. I did not chose the label, but I believed in the unity.

In 2013, a prison riot occurred, it was labeled "The Asian Riot". Cambodians with knives attacked Boston gang members on several units, in the yard and chow hall. Months later, Cambodians stabbed a correction officer in the throat during Cambodian New Year. Just recently, Cambodian inmates were involved in a serious stabbing and several incidents against inmates and officers. Being the most violent in prison boost respect levels. But truth to the matter is, all of us hate the violence.

The violence usually stems from racism, ignorance and prison politics. If you don't react negatively, it becomes a sign of weakness and you become a target. A sad reality of prison.

I am now at a medium security facility, where again I am the only Cambodian. I do not deal with the same issues as before. Though many people are fascinated by how I talk or carry myself. People stereotype Asians to be a certain way. When they meet a Cambodian, I guess we shut down those stereotypes. At times, I do wish I had people to relate and reminisce with about my culture. Better yet, I wish to be free.

Criminal Justice Reform Needs More Work

Prison and Criminal justice reform is finally making the public aware that our court systems need a change. Celebrities such as Kim Kardashian, Meek Mills and Ellen Degeneres all support the reform. Even Donald Trump has eliminated mandatory life sentences for non-violent offenders in Federal prisons. In Massachusetts, Governor Charlie Baker repealed mandatory minimum sentences for certain drug offenses.
      Nevertheless, there are still men and women in prison, who are serving a life sentence for murder, but never committed the murder or intended for a victim to die. In many states, it is called "joint venture felony-murder". Which means, only a felony must be committed to be found guilty on murder. In some cases, you do not need an intent to commit the crime to be found guilty.
       For example, if you are associated with a group and you are at an event with other group members. An arguments then breaks out among a member and a stranger. The member then shoots and kill the stranger. Although you have nothing to do with the argument and shooting, you may be charge with joint venture due to your association.
      In the Massachusetts case of  Commonwealth v. Brown 477 Mass. 805, a defendant gives his friends a firearm and some hooded clothes. His friends then commit a robbery and murder. Although the defendant did not plan the robbery nor was he there to witness it, he was sentenced to a life sentence for the crime of murder. An accessory before the fact would be more consonant with justice.
      There are a number of young men and women from urban communities, who has made a wrong choice, similar to Brown. Should every gun dealer be sentence to life, if the gun he sold was used in a crime? I believe not.
      The Supreme Justice Court of Massachusetts has changed the prongs of felony murder due to the Brown case. Prosecutors now have to prove an intent to kill from each defendant charged. This change has not help the many who are still serving a life sentence. The Supreme Justice Court refuses to make their ruling retroactive.
      There is more work needed to reform the criminal justice system for men and women convicted of  someone else's reckless behavior. Nothing is being done due to the fact it is a violent charge. Although, many serving life, has never touched a weapon, neither acted violently themselves, nor witnessed the violent crime they are charged with.

The Day My Nightmare Started

Friday October 26, 2012 at 1:30 a.m I was awaken by a phone call from my girlfriend,  the love of my life. While heading home from work, she had an accident with a deer, it side swiped her car. I asked if she's "OK", when she told me she was, I replied "be careful and drive home safe". I  went to the living room and laid on the couch to wait for her to come home.
     Every morning at 2:00 a.m I waited for her to come home from work. She had told me how lonely it was to come home while everyone was sleeping. So I made sure to be awake. I would help her get into her pajamas. We would eat and talk until she was ready for bed.
     But when she came home that morning, I can tell she was upset at me. At first I didn't realize why. Until she shouted, "I was scared when I hit the deer and you said nothing to comfort me!". I did not realize I came off so cold when she called. I should of realized how scary it must be to hit a creature that size in the middle of the night. Was I too tired to notice? That was no excuse, she was looking for comfort and I failed her.
     When we went to bed, I tried to hold her, but she pushed me away. She slept by our one year old daughter. I laid there staring at the dark ceiling until I fell asleep.
     At 6:00 a.m. my alarm rang. I woke up our daughter and we got ready for our day. I loved brushing my teeth with her, it was the cutest thing to witness. Before we left, I try to give "my love" a kiss, but she rejected my affection. Only our daughter could get kisses from her.
     My plan for the day was to drop off our daughter with my sister. Bring my mother to the Cambodian temple and go to work. Once I finish my shift, I wanted to buy some flowers for "my love" and take her on a surprise dinner date. I wanted to make it up to her and apologize for slipping up on being her man.
     But just like how the morning started, things continue to not go well for me.
     While driving to my mothers house to meet my sister, I get rear ended. The woman who rear ended me blamed me for the accident. She hooted and hollered. I told her "I got a little girl with me and I don't have time for this!". There was no damage to the car, so I just blew her off.
     When I met  with my sister, my daughter some how knew I was trying to drop her off. She started screaming and crying for me not to leave her. I told her I will pick her up later and gave her a kiss. It always tugged at my heart when she would cry like that. She's was Papa's little girl, I could never leave her sight.
     After, I helped my mother put some bags of rice in the car, then we headed for the temple.
    Once we left the temple, I drove through Lynn, Massachusetts to bring my mom back home so I can go to work. I notice a Lynn police cruiser driving behind me. The police lights turned on. My mother ask me "did you run a stop sign?"
I pulled over and the police pulled over behind me. Their car doors open and their weapons was out. I look at my mother and said "this looks more serious then a traffic stop". I see the look of fear on her face. The police yell at us to put our hands up. They open my door, pull me out the vehicle and put handcuffs on me. As I look around I see the whole area blocked off. There was about a dozen of marked and unmarked police cars.
     While in the police cruiser I ask the officers "why am I being arrested?". They tell me they don't know, but their superiors had told them to pull me over and arrest me.
     At the Lynn police station a Massachusetts state trooper and a Billerica, Massachusetts police officer sit me down in a interview room. The state trooper tells me he knows everything and I need to talk. I tell him "I don't know what they are talking about" and I ask for a lawyer. He continues to pound me with questions. The Billerica police officer then comes in and tells me "your a good kid, don't go down for something someone else did". I repeat to them "I want to talk to a lawyer".
     They transfer me to the Billerica Police Station and process me. No one would tell me my charges.
     An older officer allowed me to have a free phone call. I called my mother and talked with my daughter. That phone call was the first time I heard her say the words "I love you papa". Hearing those words brought tears to my eyes. The officer then said to me, "as long as I'm here you can have as many free phone calls you want".
   I called "my love" and she had already knew what happen. She was trying her best to be strong.
    In the holding cell I laid there on the metal slab. I fell asleep a few times. Every time I fell asleep, I would dream about coming home to "my love" and my kids. I thought those dreams were  real. But every time I woke up I was in a cell, it was a nightmare. Days later "my love" told me about her Friday evening of October 26, 2012. When she was heading home reality hit her like a ton of bricks. Due to the fact She knew I was not home waiting to embrace her.
    Over six years have past and I am still fighting to prove my innocence. Every day I wake up in a cell, it is a nightmare. I pray and hope I will be free to pick up where I left of. I would get those flowers for "my love" and apologize for everything. I would tell her she no longer have to worry, no longer have to cry. I would hug her and hold her and never let her go.

A Mother's Love

 By: Peter Bin, written on Mother's Day 2020

    I never knew how terrible the word "guilty" was until that last day of my trial. As the jury foreman read the word "guilty", my legs weakened, my life flashed, and my heart stopped.

 Upon hearing those dreadful words, I turn to look at my family. I can see my parents and siblings with tears rolling down their face.

  For the next few months I was sent to solitary confinement. There, the jail did not give me any clothes and I barely had any food to eat. This was the county jail's standard procedure for a defendant convicted of first degree murder. I guess the purpose of this is to strip us of any humanity that we have left . (Although the jail claim it is for other reasons.)

  During this time of despair my mother came to see me. There, behind a glass window, she witnessed how much weight I had lost and the terrible condition I had succumb to.  As any mother would, she cried for her son.

  As she cried, she told me something that I would never forget. She said: "I would give anything to trade places with you, I'm old, I lived my life, I don't need my freedom nor do I need my life".

   Through out the years of my incarceration, I reflect on my mother's words. With her willingness to sacrifice her life for me, I realize how much I took her and my own life for granted.

     It makes me think of my childhood and how from time to time my mother would share bits and pieces of her life.

     My mother was born in the year 1960. During the surrounding years of her birth, Southeast Asia was a region full of bloodshed. Neighboring countries were at war, fellow countrymen were involved with violent disagreements and there were constant political power struggles. Due to these persistent battles, Cambodia's economy fell apart. It cause people like my mother to be born into a life full of struggles, poverty and violence.

    My mother's family were peasant farmers whom came from Takeo province. They barely had any education, income and only farmed to feed themselves. Her own mother had past away at an early age in her life. By the age of 7 years old, she left school to help care for her family. Her responsibilities was to care for her siblings, the livestock and to work the rice fields.

      As she worked the rice fields, she can hear explosions from bombs being dropped by military aircrafts. There was a sense of danger every where. Often, a relative was killed by a landmine left by different warring factions.

     At one period during her childhood, armed Vietnamese soldiers invaded her village. In this invasion, the soldiers ordered the village men, by gun point, to walk ahead of their company into the jungle. The Vietnamese soldiers were doing this so the Cambodian villagers could clear the pathway of any explosives. It was a cruel act that cause many innocent lives.

     Years later her village was invaded by another military group, The Khmer Rouge. The Khmer Rouge was a military regime led by Pol Pot. Their regime would be responsible for the massacre and genocide of 2.5 million Cambodians.

     My mother was still a child when she was stripped away from her family by the Khmer Rouge. Because of her age, the Khmer Rouge first sent her to a weapons training camp. It was common for the Khmer Rouge to do this to children. The Khmer Rouge often recruited child soldiers because they were more easy to be persuaded to kill their own countrymen. But as a child, my mother was not easy to manipulate and she did not believe in their propagandas (in which she could not reveal). Once she became a teenager, she was transfered to do slave work in the labor camps.

     In the labor camps, my mother and many others were forced to work endless hours with barely any thing to eat. Regardless how exhausted and weak she felt, she still found the strength to push through. If she was to show any sign of exhaustion and weakness, she would face the penalty of death. That fear of death never left my mother's mind.

    Every night, while men and women slept after the work day, the Khmer Rouge would round up a group of men and women to go into the fields. Everybody knew they were being gather to be slaughtered. Many feared they would be next.

  To avoid being executed, my mother would go and  sleep in the ditches where the Khmer Rouge kept their murdered victims. There among the dead, she knew she was safe.

    By 1979, Vietnam attacked Cambodia and the Khmer Rouge regime. The Vietnamese attack opened a window of opportunity for my mother and many others to escape. Many of the escapees headed north in hopes of reaching Thailand.  The escape towards the north was a dangerous journey.                     

   People of her escape group was dying of exhaustion, starvation and landmine explosives. Many people started to doubt if the journey was worth it. Although my mother had doubts herself, she knew she could not return to the life she left behind.

    Through blood, sweat, and tears she made it to a Thailand refugee camp.

   At the refugee camp she searched for her family and friends. But all she found was strangers. She was alone, believing that her entire family may of been massacred.

     Living at the refugee camp offered no relief from oppression. The Thai soldiers ran the camp like a prison, they set strict rules, and they frequently abused the refugees. Although the conditions were poor, it was better than living in Cambodia under the Khmer Rouge.

    At the refugee camp, people started to marry, in hopes of a new future, a new life, or just for a sense of security.  My mother thought it was best she do the same. She choose a man who she thought was young, healthy and strong. She knew nothing about him, other than what she saw. All she was looking for was protection from the Khmer Rouge, Vietnamese, and Thai Soldiers. In 1980 she married my father.

     By 1985, my parents made it to America, but they were far from escaping their struggles. They were victims of racism and crime. She witness her children become victims of gang violence. This hardship motivated her to worked endlessly at a medical assembly line to save up money and get her family out of a crime ridden neighborhood.

   In 2005, along side my father, she finally succeeded and bought a single family home in a better neighborhood.

  For over forty years my mother fought to overcome poverty, violence, and oppression. In America she succeeded and found her freedom. But she was willing to give that all up for her youngest son. She was willing to return to a life of bondage that she fought so hard to escape.

    Her life has been full of struggles, where there was barely any room to experience love. She had raised me and my siblings without ever saying the words "I love you". I use to wonder why she had never told us these three little words.

    But going back to that day, to that one visit behind a glass window at a Massachusetts jail, and knowing what she had endured; There, I knew she loved me more than anything in the world. She did not have to tell me "I love you". Her willingness to sacrifice everything for me was way beyond enough.

 

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Peterr Bin is an advocate for the incarcerated.

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